If you’re seeing this, congratulations…you have also been taken; for a ride. You my friend, has been catfished .That title was click bait.
But don’t go.Please don’t resign. Let me tell you why I catfished you.
I said yes… but it was to the love of my life a.k.a Me,to an extra plate of food(All which goes to my attitude maybe), to more cocktails on my birthday , to living a little more , to making more friends and to a lot of other good things.
Fast forward to that time… When I will , if at all, say the YES or the YASSS that you expected when you saw this post.
These will probably be the reactions…
Reaction 1: (By good people who barely know me) Aaaaaw….congratulations Rose.I’m so happy for you 😘
Reaction 2: (By those who kinda know me) Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?
Reaction 3: (By those that are unhappy or have issues with me) I’m so happy for you Rose – Goes ahead to stalk the hell out of all my social media accounts for hints 😂😂
Beware. Jealousy may come in form of the common “I am happy for you” statement.
Reaction 4 : (By those who don’t care). They will just pass like…OK. Cool, so what does that have to do with me?
I will tell you. Nothing. Go away💁.
Reaction 5 : (The admirers,the stalkers, the Ex , the hopeful, if any will be in existence) Eeeh…😠😠😠😠 Mayooooo!
Then comes my close friends and people who have known me for a while.
Reaction 6 The Roast: (My close friends teasing and trolling me online )
Hahaaaa! Who is the unlucky guy? Who wants to grow old with you? What ring would fit your fingers ? Nitachota maji kwa harusi yako. Sasa unatuambia tufanye nini? (This one would be Muruli on Facebook) Who will put up with your insatiable appetite for black forest cake ? , Golden voice would ask.
Who has chosen to put up with your bitchcraft? Who even wants to see your face everyday? (Me, in the mirror?) That man will eat mashakura forever … One will quip.
Weh! If your friends don’t roast you black, I volunteer to give you just one of mine…on loan.You will return to sender in a day.
I think society unrealistically expects too much from a woman. As a woman , when you hit a certain age, your aunts start throwing subtle hints “Unatuletea mtu lini?” , “Hakuna mtu amekufungia jicho?” Never mind some people can’t wink without closing both eyes. They still however still caution you against ‘those people’.
So Rose, when are you getting married? They ask, and I politely answer, ” On my wedding day” At least then I will wear the ‘I know ring’.
A woman needs to get the perfect man…a tall glass of water; the woman needs to be engaged, married or just taken, even if for granted at a certain age , never mind no one bothers to bring up boys to be those men.
When a woman gets engaged after a long time, people will sigh.Finally! Because yeah,the heroine managed to detonate a ticking bomb with two seconds to explosion or like she just disarmed a teen who tried sneaking that leathal unlicensed 350ml lotion in to the plane.Why do they do that in airports though? Load of BS.
The single ladies…
To you , young or older lady that feels like the clock is ticking too fast , you who has watched your agemates get married or have children but you still think you are ‘children’ because you’re still undergoing that awesome ‘Selfish Phase’ , you who is still single past that age the society has set… Worry not. Because the society is made of people just like you and they tend to set standards they can barely attain.
To you I say , It is well. Amen?
I understand that most ladies are single by choice or because they know what they want in a man and won’t take anything less – I’m not talking of those unrealistic high school check lists of the perfect man.
Some women are single because they actually think they are too good and no one deserves them.The type that has already filed for divorce from their future husbands in their minds. #PettyLivesMatter
The other group comprises of those hopeless romantics who feel displaced in the 21st Century where situationships are common and lastly, those wife materials who haven’t found a man their age that is able to match up to their full package .It is well
Is this the point where I say that I , fortunately or unfortunately, knowingly or unknowingly, might have used my ‘wife material’ to make a gown for a singles event? Maybe I shouldn’t say that.
Meet your own standards first…
I think it is important to work towards meeting the standards you set for others. Walk the talk. More like meet the standards of your own standards.
“I need a gorgeous woman who will help me grow … “, they say Knowing too well that they have been mixing these ‘fertilizer women’ who help men grow, with all types of toxins. Bro , your woman cannot help you grow if you’re always busy recruiting her replacement. Don’t catch syphilis trying to prove yourself to people who do not care.
“I need a man who can handle me and provide for me…”, they caption their selfies. Woman , I think you aren’t a zoo animal that needs handling. Handle your damn self! Invest in something long-term because those 69 likes on that selfie are just as useless as a holiday that falls on a weekend.
Be the person who can confidently answer “You are sitting at my table ” when someone asks what you bring to the table.Be the person who is comfortable sitting alone if no one is ready to join you at that table.
Also, Let’s mind our business…
Whether you think someone’s standards are so low or so high , don’t roll your eyes thinking ‘mmmmh…with those standards,they might as well marry themselves’. Being single is not a crime, so please concentrate on not being caught with that plastic bag you use to store other plastic bags in your house.
We all need get a job at minding our own business and accept to stay employed at it. We need to leave people to live without setting unnecessary standards for them especially in matters relationships. Let us wait for each person to bloom and blossom where God has planted them. Give each other a break, maybe?
Most people however, cannot mind their business no matter how hard they try. The reasons range from not having a mind, to the common not having any business to mind. Curiosity! (RIP cat)
I think I have a point (even if only on my nose) because from experience, if I was to return all the noses I found in my personal business, pua me! I would probably lose my mind.Who nose?
Even before Mashujaa Day , I celebrate all of you who are continuously working on yourselves .Those who mind their own.Those who are flawsome ; they know they aren’t perfect but they don’t allow anyone dim their shine.
I celebrate those who encouraged me to write more and keep improving.I raise a glass to you who has been reading my blog posts.
I celebrate the unwavering Kenyan Spirit even in these uncertain political times.
Salud ! #iOut ✌