It’s Christmaaaaas! The decorations are up,the love… the extravagance is tangible! The Carols fill the air 🎼 The breweries staff sing 🎶”Njohi to the world…”
*Njohi is alcohol* while the rest of us sing “Mary did you know, that your baby boy…🎶 ” Yes. I’m pretty sure Mary knew all that so can we now move to the main agenda, getting through it all.
You prepare to go upcountry for the Christmas festivities, you get your hair done , nails on fleek and facial ; How else will the people know you live in Nairobi -Githurai ,Nairobi ?
On your way upcountry, your mother calls.She wants to know if you’re bringing any visitors home (But you know she hopes for a specific visitor) .
That’s when it hits you : “YOU ARE SINGLE ” (AF if I may add) at 32 ! Now I hear the age limit for marriage was adjusted to 27 years by a crusader of some child 😂😂😂.Debatable.I won’t try to wrestle a pig in the mud.
Remember your aunts from this post? Hahaa… They are waiting for you with the never-ending “Hauna mtu bado?” ,Utatuletea mtu lini? Basically asking how you don’t have a suitor yet (Rolls eyes).
Your Christmas is stale.
When everyone singing 🎶”Jingle Bells Jingle bells….”🎼 , you just substitute the words for
🎼🎄Single bell, single bell , single all the way, oh how great it is to see couples fight all day! 🎅🎷.
You feel better about yourself after that and give that evil laugh in your mind. You are what they are calling the girl child.Stay strong!
But, what about the ‘boy child’? Being unemployed is the biggest issue. The relatives expect a specific answer to “So what do you do these days?” When it comes to being single, the pressure is a little less. I didn’t see the crusader giving deadlines for men 💁but we shall revisit.
Broke for Christmas
Lord have mercy on you if you did not dig a tunnel to some strong room this year! Being broke hits both genders squarely: Tuko Pamoja!
On boxing day, while everyone is exchanging gifts, the broke you, lies under the Christmas tree , so that your family and friends can appreciate how great a gift you are to them. Also, did you not teach them Oddi dance? That should be enough.
Sure,you are a good person. You really wanted to buy gifts for everyone but your bank account resisted all your efforts. So you do the Oprah move…
After what feels like 30 days of Christmas, you are back to the city on 27th December, ready for the new year… “New year new you? ” We shall deconstruct this phrase in the next post.
Sing with me…🎶single bell, single bell, single all the way, oh how great it is to see couples fight all day. Hey! ×100 💜🎶
Let me know how you plan on surviving the festive season in the comments. Also, at what age should we stop we referring to someone as girl child or boy child?
If you’ve been quiet all year, don’t send us that “Merry Christmas” text.
You are feliz navi dead to us 😂.
Yours truly … Rose M , HSC (Head of Shade over Christmas) who can’t wait to be 27 in a few years 😉.
Salud! #iOut ✌